dinosauria, we

i like this:

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked
We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes
Born into this
Walking and living through this
Dying because of this
Muted because of this
Castrated
Debauched
Disinherited
Because of this
Fooled by this
Used by this
Pissed on by this
Made crazy and sick by this
Made violent
Made inhuman
By this
The heart is blackened
The fingers reach for the throat
The gun
The knife
The bomb
The fingers reach toward an unresponsive god
The fingers reach for the bottle
The pill
The powder
We are born into this sorrowful deadliness
We are born into a government 60 years in debt
That soon will be unable to even pay the interest on that debt
And the banks will burn
Money will be useless
There will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
It will be guns and roving mobs
Land will be useless
Food will become a diminishing return
Nuclear power will be taken over by the many
Explosions will continually shake the earth
Radiated robot men will stalk each other
The rich and the chosen will watch from space platforms
Dante’s Inferno will be made to look like a children’s playground
The sun will not be seen and it will always be night
Trees will die
All vegetation will die
Radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
The sea will be poisoned
The lakes and rivers will vanish
Rain will be the new gold
The rotting bodies of men and animals will stink in the dark wind
The last few survivors will be overtaken by new and hideous diseases
And the space platforms will be destroyed by attrition
The petering out of supplies
The natural effect of general decay
And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard
Born out of that.
The sun still hidden there
Awaiting the next chapter.

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adios camera :( oh, and list stuff.

On Saturday night, my overly intoxicated self irresponsibly lost my camera. I’m pretty sure it was left on the table at the last bar we were at. Nobody turned it in, assholes. I feel LOST without my camera. There goes my flick-a-days and my weekly photo updates (I kinda got one week in…) Also, this was going to be the week that I took a picture of everything I ate all week. (number 15 on the list.) I guess I’ll probably have to buy a new one. I’m REALLY trying to save money but I feel like a camera is a necessity.

So, anyway. Number 44 on my list is to take a picture every day, and post the pictures weekly. Here are last weeks pictures (with the exception of Sunday because I had no camera 😦 )

April 18 –  I drew this in my sketchbook.

April 19 — I drew another picture in my sketchbook.

April 20 –This is where I take Tasha for her walks.

April 21– I spent hours perfecting the ‘marble’ technique on my nails.

April 22 – my fishy face flick-a-day

April 23 – Friday night drinks on my couch with my friend Melissa.

April 24 – Saturday night at the bar. This is where I lost my camera. (this was taken with my phone)

One more thing.  I’m starting # 9 on the list.  (complete the 200 sit up challenge) I just did my ‘initial sit-up test’ and managed to squeeze out 50 consecutive sit ups.  I guess that’s good because it told me to skip to week 3!  I’m going to be such a badass if i can do 200 consecutive sit ups.  I hope I can do it!

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the goods

So, it’s taken me a while to actually do it, but here’s all the GOOD things that are happening, of which i’m happy about.

• my job. i’m making good money for 3 days per week. and i LOVE tasha.
• the living situation.  I love living alone. I love doing what i want, when i want, how i want, where i want, however i want to do it.
• art. drawing/painting/creating comforts me.  It’s good for when I feel like i’m going crazy.  I call it my art therapy.
• my health.  This last year has been a good year for my health.  I’ve completely (for the most part) have changed my diet for the better, and I’m getting in shape/exercising regularly.  I’ve lost 20 lbs.  I can’t even remember the last time I had any back pain.
• semi-regular sex isn’t a bad thing either, eh?

that’s all i’ve got.  check back in when i’m in a less cynical phase in my life.

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boop!

I went to the gym today, for the first time in toooooooooo long.  It felt good. Going again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that…..  I’m not gonna weigh myself for like a month because I dont even want to know how much weight i’ve gained over these last few weeks 😡  My ultimate goal is to get down to 125 lbs.  Think I can do it??? I hope so!

I really need to start a drawing and/or finish the painting I started for emily.  …..Maybe this weekend?  Now that I only have my ONE job I have enough free time to do it… I just need to pry myself away from this computer once in a while, ya know?!  I feel like I just blogged this exact same subject the other day, did i?  I guess i’ll check after I post this.  If I’m repeating myself, sorry!

dying my hair this weekend! back to just normal plain brown.  this weird reddish/carmely/brown thing ain’t working for me anymore.

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sicky mcsickerson

Tasha got me sick, that little stinker.  I could feel shittier, but I’d rather feel less shitty than I do now. ya dig?  I slept a shit ton last night and today…hopefully that’ll help my body recover faster.

tomorrow i’m working 2 hours later than i usually do…i still plan to go to the gym after, but depending on how i feel i might have to skip the gym. SOOOO bad, because i sooooo need to go. we’ll see.

I’m so poor right now.  I could use some groceries, and I think i need to put oil in my car and brake fluid.  Hopefully that can wait a week longer.

I need to finish emilys painting.  Also, I want to start my Jason Segel drawing.  I need to pry myslf away from this computer every once in a while.

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